Divorce is hard on everyone, especially kids during the holidays. In most custody arrangements, parents take turns spending the holidays with the kids, and being shuttled between Mom’s and Dad’s can be awkward. As a parent, you can help make the transition easier for your kids by embracing the present and looking toward the future. Here are five ways to turn the first holiday season after into a bright new beginning.
Focus on time with your kids rather than time apart
If you focus on the divorce, so will your kids. Instead, spend time bonding with your kids and reassuring them that it’s not the end of the world. Cross off trivial obligations from your holiday list and maximize family time. Don’t limit this bonding to just one or two days; doing simple things like setting up the holiday lights, shopping for a tree, or playing in the snow can help you and the kids focus on what really matters.
Talk to your kids
Keep the dialogue open during the holidays. Let your kids know how the holidays will be structured this year. Assure them that while some things will change, others will remain the same. Don’t dodge or glaze over the conversation.
Encourage the kids to share what they want most from the holidays and what they might be nervous about. Younger kids are a lot more intuitive than many parents might notice, and some may hide their feelings to protect yours. Sharing some of your feelings can help you understand one another and better accept the situation. Keep a positive tone and assure them that things will work out.
Avoid saying anything negative about the other parent. Don’t try to make yourself seem like the better parent or try to get your kids “on your side.” Encourage them to enjoy their time with Mom or Dad, and remind them that both parents love them just as always.
Stick to your holiday traditions as best as possible
Routines and traditions are very important to kids. While it can be difficult to keep holiday rituals intact during a divorce, talk to your ex and discuss how you can make it happen. Keep in mind that you don’t have to recreate the past down to every last detail. In fact, sometimes clinging to what used to be can make the transition even harder. Ask your kids which activities they’re most excited about and focus on those. Welcome any new ideas they might have, which brings us to our next tip.
Make new holiday traditions
If your custody arrangement is to alternate holidays, start a new tradition - a gingerbread house competition, seeing the holiday lights together, baking a holiday cake, etc. If your kids will be spending the day with the other parent, schedule your own celebration with the kids a day sooner or a week later, depending on your child visitation schedule If you have friends or relatives with kids around the same age, invite them over. Why not volunteer at a local soup kitchen or shelter? It can give your kids perspective and help them appreciate what they have. Above all, listen to your kids. It may be that all they want, is to spend time with you.
Take care of yourself
What affects one family member affects the others. That’s why it’s important to stay healthy and manage your stress and emotions. Luckily, you and your kids can help one another stay positive. Take up new hobbies you can share with the kids. Eat healthy, balanced meals and always make time for exercise. Play with the dog in the backyard, play hide and seek, or head to the park for some family tennis or basketball. Watch movies together, play board games, or read books together; anything that nourishes the mind or body.
If you work long shifts, take night classes, or have other obligations that limit your time, find ways to sneak in small bouts of exercise here and there. Take a 20 minute jog before sunrise. Do some bodyweight exercises while you watch the morning news. Climb the stairs in your office building. Stretch before you go to bed at night. Be sure to visit your doctor for regular checkups and ask about how you can take better care of yourself.
Contact a Salt Lake City Divorce Attorney
Remember, the holidays are about giving time and attention, not stuff. Our law firm understands that transitions can be difficult - especially the first time around. If you need help putting together a thoughtful parenting plan, contact Jennings and Medura, LLC, located in Salt Lake City, Utah. We have over 30 years’ experience placing kids’ needs first in cases involving divorce, alimony, child support, parent time, and financial issues. Feel free to email us for a free consultation, and remember to stay safe this holiday season.
