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holiday tips for children of divorce

5 Ways To Help Your Kids Enjoy the Holidays During Divorce

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Divorce is hard on everyone, especially kids during the holidays. In most custody arrangements, parents take turns spending the holidays with the kids, and being shuttled between Mom’s and Dad’s can be awkward. As a parent, you can help make the transition easier for your kids by embracing the present and looking toward the future. Here are five ways to turn the first holiday season after into a bright new beginning.

Focus on time with your kids rather than time apart

If you focus on the divorce, so will your kids. Instead, spend time bonding with your kids and reassuring them that it’s not the end of the world. Cross off trivial obligations from your holiday list and maximize family time. Don’t limit this bonding to just one or two days; doing simple things like setting up the holiday lights, shopping for a tree, or playing in the snow can help you and the kids focus on what really matters.

Talk to your kids

Keep the dialogue open during the holidays. Let your kids know how the holidays will be structured this year. Assure them that while some things will change, others will remain the same. Don’t dodge or glaze over the conversation.

Encourage the kids to share what they want most from the holidays and what they might be nervous about. Younger kids are a lot more intuitive than many parents might notice, and some may hide their feelings to protect yours. Sharing some of your feelings can help you understand one another and better accept the situation. Keep a positive tone and assure them that things will work out.

Avoid saying anything negative about the other parent. Don’t try to make yourself seem like the better parent or try to get your kids “on your side.” Encourage them to enjoy their time with Mom or Dad, and remind them that both parents love them just as always.

Smiling little boy with Christmas decoration, isolated on white

Stick to your holiday traditions as best as possible

Routines and traditions are very important to kids. While it can be difficult to keep holiday rituals intact during a divorce, talk to your ex and discuss how you can make it happen. Keep in mind that you don’t have to recreate the past down to every last detail. In fact, sometimes clinging to what used to be can make the transition even harder. Ask your kids which activities they’re most excited about and focus on those. Welcome any new ideas they might have, which brings us to our next tip.

Make new holiday traditions

If your custody arrangement is to alternate holidays, start a new tradition - a gingerbread house competition, seeing the holiday lights together, baking a holiday cake, etc. If your kids will be spending the day with the other parent, schedule your own celebration with the kids a day sooner or a week later, depending on your child visitation schedule If you have friends or relatives with kids around the same age, invite them over. Why not volunteer at a local soup kitchen or shelter? It can give your kids perspective and help them appreciate what they have. Above all, listen to your kids. It may be that all they want, is to spend time with you.

Take care of yourself

What affects one family member affects the others. That’s why it’s important to stay healthy and manage your stress and emotions. Luckily, you and your kids can help one another stay positive. Take up new hobbies you can share with the kids. Eat healthy, balanced meals and always make time for exercise. Play with the dog in the backyard, play hide and seek, or head to the park for some family tennis or basketball. Watch movies together, play board games, or read books together; anything that nourishes the mind or body.

If you work long shifts, take night classes, or have other obligations that limit your time, find ways to sneak in small bouts of exercise here and there. Take a 20 minute jog before sunrise. Do some bodyweight exercises while you watch the morning news. Climb the stairs in your office building. Stretch before you go to bed at night. Be sure to visit your doctor for regular checkups and ask about how you can take better care of yourself.

Contact a Salt Lake City Divorce Attorney

Remember, the holidays are about giving time and attention, not stuff. Our law firm understands that transitions can be difficult - especially the first time around. If you need help putting together a thoughtful parenting plan, contact Jennings and Medura, LLC, located in Salt Lake City, Utah. We have over 30 years’ experience placing kids’ needs first in cases involving divorce, alimony, child support, parent time, and financial issues. Feel free to email us for a free consultation, and remember to stay safe this holiday season.

 

child support utah

What Child Support Covers and What it Does NOT in the State of Utah

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In the state of Utah, when a married couple with children decides to divorce, if the children are under the age of 18, a judge will set up a child support schedule. For parents who can decide on a child support arrangement themselves, then a judge will not interfere.

The Utah Child Support guidelines are always used to determine how much child support the children will receive, except in cases where parents have already made arrangements, or in cases where the guidelines don’t particularly apply.

It’s important to note that both parents can be ordered to pay child support. The primary expenses used to calculate child support are those related to:

  • Medical
  • Dental
  • Health insurance

In some cases, parents are ordered to share childcare expenses. Additionally,
‘extraordinary medical expenses’ must also be shared or paid by the parents; however, these expenses must be stated in the divorce agreement. Having an attorney on your side can ensure all of your bases are covered.

A Child Support Worksheet is used to calculate how much each parent will have to pay, and you can view that here. In many cases, the non-custodial parent is the only one ordered to pay child support, with the exact amount being determined according to both parents’ income as well as any retirement contributions.

Children With Disabilities

For children who have disabilities which hinder them from working or being able to take care of themselves, child support may be required even after the child turns 18. This doesn’t apply if the child chooses to get married. In fact, any child that chooses to get married either before or after the age of 18 will disqualify him or herself from receiving child support.

What Can Child Support be Used For?

It’s imperative to understand what child support is to be used for. As stated before, in the state of Utah, any support that is supposed to be applied toward cover medical, health insurance and dental expenses will be outlined in a child support agreement. Any funds left over can then be applied as the custodial parent chooses, such as paying for the children’s clothes, gas expenses to get them back and forth to school and so on.

It is important to note that parents share the cost of taking care of the children. For example, if Dad gets the children on the weekends, his support that he pays goes toward paying for a portion of the food that the kids eat while they are with their mom during the week, but on the weekends, Dad still has to cover the full cost of food. The same applies to Mom. Parents must pool their money together according to the Income Shares Model, and then child support is fairly determined.

What Child Support Does Not Cover

Some parents who pay child support get very confused as to what the funds do and do not cover. To put it simply, the parent receiving the support can spend the funds in any way that he or she sees fit. As long as the funds are being applied toward some type of living expense -school photos, transportation, academic tutoring- then a judge will have no problem with the money being spent on those things.

Parents paying child support sometimes get angry because they see that even though all of their children’s needs are getting met, the leftover child support is being spent by the recipient parent on a new car, clothes for him or herself, etc. Unfortunately, the leftover funds can be spent however the parent chooses as long as the child’s needs are met, including medical, health and dental care expenses.

The only way that a parent paying child support could receive sympathy from a judge and possibly have a court-ordered child support agreement changed is by proving that the parent receiving the support is not taking care of the child. For example, if the child doesn’t have decent clothes to wear back and forth to school but the parent receiving the support manages to supply a drug habit, then this would definitely be a reason to take the child support and custody case back in front of a judge.

Other than that, there is nothing that child support does not cover.

Is There a Way to Get Certain Expenses Included in Child Support?

Yes, there is. If your child has certain activities that he or she regularly takes part in and has for an extended period of time -summer camp for the past 10 years- then you may be able to add provision into your divorce agreement, which would require for these expenses to be split by both parties. Other things that you can add in provisionally include elective medical procedures, such as braces, and certain types of extra-curricular expenses.

If you would like more information about child support in Utah, please feel free to contact Jennings and Medura, LLC today. We’re always available to help you with any of your divorce and child support needs.